i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
