this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
