Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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