Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
