I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
