i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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