I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
she smelled like a LAN party
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
