so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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