just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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