I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
