It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
