I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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