The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Randomize
