i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
