I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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