Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
