you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
