May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
