Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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