It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
