Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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