I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
