yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
