does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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