dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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