I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
