her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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