only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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