I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Randomize
