Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
