he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
