I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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