her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
