Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
