Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
