I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
