Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
