the condom got lost in my hair
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
