My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I cut my penus on the lid.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
