Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
