I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
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