well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
