tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
