ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
