it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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