my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
