3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
she looked like the before picture.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
As shirtless as possible
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
