sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
