let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
