I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
