I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Say something about gay babies.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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