I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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