Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
420 ftw
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Randomize
