I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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