I look better un-naked...
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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